Hahaha, oh dear. I was looking back at the sadness which was me in my high school yearbook the other day and it was a sad, sad state of affairs. Sullen-faced tomboy, meet bitter angsty teen!
It got me thinking of who I am now compared to who I was then, and who I could have been if I'd done things differently. I think to myself, what would have happened if I'd changed what I wore, or taken the initiative to approach someone in the hall, or stood up and told any one of the half dozen individuals who carried out a fairly constant string of belittlement upon me from grade to grade to go fuck themselves? Where would I be now?
But then I realize that if I had done any of those things I probably wouldn't be the same person I am today -- the notion of which is admittedly intriguing, but also alarming. I've always been a strong believer that the experiences in your past, good and bad, have direct influence in shaping who you become. I don't know where I'd be in my life or who I would have developed into if junior high and high school had gone differently, but what is clear is that I am a mentally and emotionally healthier person now than I was several years ago, or even prior to then.
Do I still hope that certain people who mercilessly picked on me back during school are these days now miserable, penniless, and lying hungry and alone in the gutter? Of course I do. I'm still shallow and bitter in that way and if I put my mind to it I can hold one hell of a grudge. However, I consider myself much more optimistic now too and I think most people who knew me both then and now could attest to that. Not everything is black and white anymore -- I've developed some variable shades of grey in regards to many things I used to be particularly opinionated about; on politics, on people, on relationships, on life. I'm more upbeat. In general I value myself more, both emotionally and body-wise, and I'm no longer convinced the world is toting some personal vendetta to screw me over. (An encouraging concept.) The point is, who knows if I would have ever gotten to this point if I hadn't gone through the whole sullen, angsty, bitter teenage phase?
With this in mind, I finally got around to taking part in a (very long overdue) DeviantArt "time warp" meme that's been floating around for ages and I've been too lazy to complete until now. :P (Ignore the craptacular inking and coloring, like I said, I was lazy and it was a quick job.) Commemorating all the lame, the embarrassing, the goofy, the bitter, (and the horrible fashion choices) that have made you who you are.
(Click to embiggen)
No sir, you couldn't pay me to go back to my junior high and high school days. But you also couldn't pay me to make them disappear, because who's to say I wouldn't presently disappear along with them?
Change. Personal evolution. It makes me excited to think about where I'll be in another ten years from now. :D
You can run but you can't hide!Being an avid, long time lover of hugs myself and one who is of the strong opinion that there can never be too many hugs in the world, I've compiled my own Hug Bucket. A Hug Bucket, I have been enlightened to learn from one of the recent Vlogbrother videos, is similar to a "bucket list" (ie. things you'd like to do before you kick the proverbial bucket) only in this case equate "things"="people" and "do"="hug the bejeezus out of."
And so I decided it would nice to create a list of individuals I would like to hug before I die in a little Hug Buckety sand pail of my own. I think it would be pink. With perhaps, bunnies and rainbows printed on the side of it. Yes. And these are the people who would be in it:
My Hug Bucket also obviously already has Mason and Sister and my wonderful family and friends and Iroh and Toby and Velcro-Cat already, all who thankfully I can hug any time and as hard and for as long as I want until they eventually untangle themselves from my clutches (or in the case of Iroh, bite me.) Does this mean I have to take them all out of the bucket now? I'm confused on that part still. I prefer to think of them all as extra special and infinity doomed to reside in my Hug Bucket.
I hope you all like pink. ♥
Post-nappingI am now living with a man with toe shoes. We ventured out today to buy him a pair of this strange footwear; and yes, while they are apparently the most comfortable things you'll ever wear on your feet, and yes, they help with balance and posture, and yes, they are scientifically proven to be better to walk and run in then sneakers and regular shoes... I just can't get over the fact that they remind me of turtle feet. I am in love with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. (This is all Greg's fault. He started the crazy finger shoe epidemic.)
I almost don't want to make mention of it for paranoid fear of jinxing it, but I think I may have finally solved my constant headache brain worms. While we were away on the cruise, Chelle was over bunny sitting and turned down the brightness on my iMac monitor by a dramatic amount. My first day back at work I did the same thing for my office computer (they're both sitting at about 25% full now), and in the last four weeks since I've only had four headaches. I don't think I can remember the last time I've been so headache free over that span of time, though it would make a lot of sense because it was around the time I got my iMac and started going to NAIT with iMac's in class that the brain worms came around. *Sparkly tear-filled eyes of joy* We'll give it a couple more weeks and see how it goes, but fingers crossed that my 3ish years of past numbing head pain are behind me.
I downloaded the BBC six-part Pride and Prejudice mini series. I've heard lots of wonderful things about it from people so I thought I'd give it a whirl. Bridgette Jones would never lead me astray, would she?
All right and this is grossly overdue, but here's the answers that 5-question meme you tailored for me... like... half a year ago. (I think that's all the stored up memes I have. I'm on a roll.)
Oh god, what a cruel question -- so many choices but only one date! D: I'm torn between Simon Cowell and Johnny Depp. I mean on the one hand, there's adorably angry and British Mr. Cowell, who I would first: pile him with puppies, kittens, and rainbows; then second: proceed to velcro myself to his leg and see how long it takes him to tear me away and how crazy he becomes during the process. And on the other hand, there's plain adorable Mr. Depp; who I would, you know, just stare at all day. I may or may not ask him to take off his shirt and crawl across the floor to me like a panther. Rarrwww~ ¬_¬ <3
One last chocolate meal ever? D: Safeway chocolate truffle cake. Mmmm mmmmm~ Immediately following, overcome by grief, I would then proceed to drown myself in the North Saskatchewan.
D: OMGthatwouldbesostressful. *Preemptive hyperventilating* Maybe France? French is supposed to be relatively easy to catch on to, isn't it? And while I was being shunned by all the French-speaking natives, I would drown my sorrows in the sights of the city of Paris and eventually become the creepy American recluse hiding in the bell towers of Notre Dame' while wiling away my lonesome days singing to dead pigeons. What a sad French life I would lead. :c
I'm sorry.
Hell doesn't need to be very personalized for me. Being surrounded by literal flamey hellfire for the rest of eternity would would be too much for my already irrational fear of fiery doom, and my head would probably explode from the stress.
Killing time on the computronI technically just did a meme like this, so I tried to do 25 new things that weren't included in the last one. :P
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.
Or in some cases, all of the above mixed into some crazy Molotov cocktail of creepy. It's especially strange since all these characteristics when displayed in real life piss me off and make me want to punch the owner in the face. Yet in books and shows, I can't get enough of them. They draw me in -- they're just always so much more interesting than the heroes or other protagonists! :B
Still a little sickThe very belated meme stolen from my sister's blog a year ago that I forget to ever actually do.
Here's how you play. The idea is to note ten things you've done or facts about you that you think are pretty unique -- although, given what's happened in other blogs and journals where this game is being played, you'll be surprised at how many people end up saying "Hey, me too!" Put them up in your own journal and let the fun begin (you can also add your list in comments, or put a link back to any entry you write.)
Nose sniffleySo after taking a six month hiatus from my PS2, I am once more attempting to tackle Kingdom Hearts. When last I played, I went nonstop until I reached Cerberus and then threw a fit when I couldn't beat the silly three-headed dog and abruptly got frustrated and gave up.
My love for the cute Disney-esque characters and accompanying story has been rekindled since Mason started playing his way through KH2. Yes, my determination has been profoundly fortified, friends. I have printed off my trusty and detailed 100-page walkthrough of which I have meticulously organized and tagged in a three-ring binder and have picked up where I left off eons ago (after Mason was kind enough to beat Cerberus for me. "TAKE THAT, DIGITAL DOG, BEGONE!" Ho ho.) I am determined this time to finish the game with all 99 dalmatians, every Pooh page, and all trinities and whatnot to unlock the secret ending (of which, yes, I've already watched on youTube -- along with the ending of KH2 as well -- but it's the principle of the thing.)
*Wears a bright red shirt with the giant words POSER stamped across the front of it. Wears it with pride, damnit.*
Now for mindless survey. You know, because I haven't done enough of them yet.
A is for age: 21.
B is for booze: Wildberry cooooooooler!.
C is for career: Web designer.
D is for dad's name: Daddikins~
E is for essential items to bring to a party: Five dollars. (We have poker parties.)
F is for favourite song at the moment: "Passion (Sanctuary)" by Utada Hikaru. (I'm a little obsessed with Kingdom Hearts right now.)
G is for girlfriend: As in "I am Mason's". . .? I'm have no girlfriend to call my own, unfortunately. Woe is me.
H is for hometown: St. Albert (Edmonton's tiny, much less ugly and less hobo-filled, younger sibling.)
I is for instruments you play: I wish I'd taken piano as a kid. I have piano fingers. Alas, they go to waste.
J is for jam or jelly you like: Ew and ew. Death to jam and all manner of jellies!
K is for kids: Some day.
L is for living arrangements: Still with my parents. I love them to death, by golly, but as soon as I have the funds I'd like to take a step out on my own~
M is for mom's name: Mommikins~
N is for name of your best friend: I've never seemed to have luck with keeping best friends, they always leave and then I have a breakdown. I have many friends, but I'm not going to "best-ify" any of them.
O is for overnight hospital stays: I had a spot that could have some day developed into cancer removed from the top of my head when I was in elementary. I vaguely remember purple popsicles.
P is for phobias: Firey death, spiders, and clowns. (Among many others. . .)
Q is for quote you like: "Spinning at the speed of TEEN ANGST!"
R is for relationship that lasted longest: Mason~ Coming up five months and counting.
S is for sexual position: *Looking through her latest issue of Cosmo Sutra in Cosmopolitan. Eyes bug out. "See, now that's not even humanly possible right there."* See how I cleverly avoided answering this one? Ho ho.
U is for unique trait: Um. Uhh. *Strains* I am a dishwasher loader extroadinaire! =_=; *Goes out back and stones herself*
V is for vegetable you love: Corn and cucumbers. (They are the only vegetables I love.)
W is for worst trait: Terrible memory, and I'm horribly paranoid.
X is for x-rays you've had: Last winter I cracked my elbow.
Y is for yummy food you make: Cookies! Cucumber salad! Rice and chicken!
Z is for zodiac sign: Aries.
FIRSTS ...
First job: McDees. Craptacular. Absolutely craptacular.
First screen name: Alisa Morgan.
First funeral: My grade three teacher.
First pet: Two cats I don't remember from when I was young. A dog named Sheena. A hamster named Mrs. Bean.
First piercing: My ears. NEVER AGAIN.
First tattoo: I wish. Maybe a little Japanese character for "love" or something. Too bad I'm horribly afraid of pain.
First credit card: Visa.
First kiss: My best friend when I was a kid was a guy, we pecked in that cute little kid way. Actual kiss, not until the end of high school.
First enemy: Cripes, I don't know. I hated everyone during junior high, the world was my arch nemesis, kiddies.
First favourite musical artist: Celine Dion. Go ahead, laugh your ass off.
LASTS ...
Last car ride: This morning, drove home from Mason's.
Last kiss: This morning~
Last movie watched: Jet Li's Fearless. I was looking for a brainless action movie and it wasn't it.
Last beverage drank: Milk.
Last food consumed: Eggs and toast, and then some mini Rolos.
Last phone call: Mason.
Last time showered: Yesterday morning.
Last CD played: Sarah McLachlan - Bloom Remix Album.
Last website visited: VGCats.com
Single or Taken: Taken
Sex: Female.
Birthday: April 10, 1985.
Siblings: Older sister, Chelle; older brother, Seanathan.
Hair colour: Strawberry blond.
Eye colour: Mostly blueish.
Shoe size: 8 or 8½.
That was an uninteresting end to that survey. SHAME ON YOU MEME GODS. SHAAAAME. *Cosmic finger wagging*