Hahaha, oh dear.  I was looking back at the sadness which was me in my high school yearbook the other day and it was a sad, sad state of affairs.  Sullen-faced tomboy, meet bitter angsty teen!

It got me thinking of who I am now compared to who I was then, and who I could have been if I'd done things differently.  I think to myself, what would have happened if I'd changed what I wore, or taken the initiative to approach someone in the hall, or stood up and told any one of the half dozen individuals who carried out a fairly constant string of belittlement upon me from grade to grade to go fuck themselves?  Where would I be now?

But then I realize that if I had done any of those things I probably wouldn't be the same person I am today -- the notion of which is admittedly intriguing, but also alarming.  I've always been a strong believer that the experiences in your past, good and bad, have direct influence in shaping who you become.  I don't know where I'd be in my life or who I would have developed into if junior high and high school had gone differently, but what is clear is that I am a mentally and emotionally healthier person now than I was several years ago, or even prior to then.

Do I still hope that certain people who mercilessly picked on me back during school are these days now miserable, penniless, and lying hungry and alone in the gutter?  Of course I do.  I'm still shallow and bitter in that way and if I put my mind to it I can hold one hell of a grudge.  However, I consider myself much more optimistic now too and I think most people who knew me both then and now could attest to that.  Not everything is black and white anymore -- I've developed some variable shades of grey in regards to many things I used to be particularly opinionated about; on politics, on people, on relationships, on life. I'm more upbeat.  In general I value myself more, both emotionally and body-wise, and I'm no longer convinced the world is toting some personal vendetta to screw me over.  (An encouraging concept.)  The point is, who knows if I would have ever gotten to this point if I hadn't gone through the whole sullen, angsty, bitter teenage phase?

With this in mind, I finally got around to taking part in a (very long overdue) DeviantArt "time warp" meme that's been floating around for ages and I've been too lazy to complete until now.  :P  (Ignore the craptacular inking and coloring, like I said, I was lazy and it was a quick job.)  Commemorating all the lame, the embarrassing, the goofy, the bitter, (and the horrible fashion choices) that have made you who you are.

(Click to embiggen)

No sir, you couldn't pay me to go back to my junior high and high school days.  But you also couldn't pay me to make them disappear, because who's to say I wouldn't presently disappear along with them?

Change.  Personal evolution.  It makes me excited to think about where I'll be in another ten years from now.  :D

Mood: Fangirly

In an effort to get in some much-needed Joker-drawing practice for a project I'm very slowly gearing up to start on, this is what I've spent most of my time on over the past few days:

Aside from a few random headshot scribbles -- and one earlier art attempt that went all BLAH and will probably forever remain unfinished -- this is my first stab at any sort of Batman fan art. It actually turned out more or less like I wanted it to, which is a pleasant change from the way art usually pans out for me. It took me way longer to draw than usual, because I'm all sort of fail when it comes to drawing interacting characters and objects, so this was actually drawn in three separate pieces: first the parlor chair, then one for J, then finally Harley. This is not the first time I've been thankful to own my own light table.

Since I've finally accepted the fact that I never get around to ever coloring anything *shame*, I've put out a couple requests for someone to ink and color it for me, so hopefully I get some responses from that right away and can get it prettied up~ :B

Mood: Lazy Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Yesterday I finally got a chance to see How to Train Your Dragon, and I loved it~
It was such a sweet story and the characters were all so enjoyable and endearing, with emphasis on Hiccup and Toothless in particular. Toothless is by far the most adorable dragon in the history of ever -- it's like they took this cute little chibi-deformed looking dragon body and stuffed the soul of an oversized house cat into it. While browsing DeviantArt, I came across this quick scribble that made me laugh because it so accurately portrayed my own experience in the theatre with my big soppy tears the instant the dragon-befriending montage began. (Art by BehindtheVeil.) It's been a while since I've seen an animated movie that I've enjoyed so thoroughly, much less a 3D animated film whose computer sculpted characters I've instantly loved and wanted to see more of. It makes me want to draw fan art! :B

I have a confession. Over the last week or so I've sort of, um, stopped doing my exercise regiment... I was doing really good for a couple of weeks and then I shirked my workout one day due to a headache and then never picked it up again. I'm a slave to habit, but I break it once and can't ever get it back afterwards. ^^; So yeah, a little ashamed at how pathetic I am at keeping any type of fitness goal. Maybe it's a sign of some sort that I'm forever destined for limp, weak, noodley arms.

Mood: Excited for her holidays to start~ X3

My Christmas shopping is officially finished, with a whole day to spare. Go me! Wrapping presents last night was a whole new adventure with the cat intent on trying to steal my tape, borrow through gift bags, and tear up my tissue paper. If my wrapping this year seems more shoddy than usual, blame Iroh.

I'm extremely sad that I still don't have any new boots yet. They originally arrived last week but unfortunately in a size that was slightly too small -- and I had them for all of twelve glorious hours before I finally relented and returned them and asking to re-order a half size larger. Hopefully the 9's they're sending me will fit perfectly. This is why I don't ever buy clothes or shoes online, I hate purchasing stuff before I have a chance to try them on. :P Boot fail.

With an absence of any of our usual big trips this past year, I took advantage of all of my saved up vacation days and am looking forward to a nice, extended Christmas holiday this season. During this time in between all of much tasty turkey gorging and shameless post stomach-full-of-turkey lounging, I am determined to:

• See Avatar (who wants to go with me? SOMEONE GO WITH ME!)
• Finally go and get my H1N1 shot so as to avoid dying of dreaded piggy flu.
• Play more Guild Wars. My warrior needs some loving.
• Sit back and finally get a chance to do some drawing. ;_; I miss drawing so much, I can't believe I haven't managed to get anything new done in almost a year. I had all of these wonderful intentions to draw a bunch of art pieces as gifts this year for Christmas, but as it is now nearing the end of December that plan has obviously flown out the window. Art fail. :x

OOH OOH OOH and there is a very strong possibility that I may have in my possession a shiny new iPhone by the end of the holidays~ However, this is still sort of teetering on the knifes edge considering the rational and very frugal part of my brain is overcome by guilt about such a frivolous purchase and the thought of a $20+ increase in my monthly phone bill. Inner turmoil, INNER TURMOIL!

Mood: Excited for new house!!!

(This is very belated blog entry that I meant to post last week but instead just left it piling up sadly in my drafts folder. In any event, onward ho and all that jazz.) Against my better judgment I went and saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with Chelle. While I adore the books to a squeeing fangirly extent, the movies leave a lot to be desired and usually only succeed in destroying another little part of my soul with each new book-butchering film that gets released to theatres. Considering that HBP is by far my favorite out of the seven, I was obviously extra concerned about how they were going to ruin this one. Surprisingly enough, while they did inevitably take HBP and viciously chop it into thousands of tiny pieces, it also ended up being the most entertaining one out of the series yet.

Let's start off with the good, then ease our way slowly into the horrible, agonizing bad that made me want to hit my head against the wall over and over. Warning: probably spoiler ridden.

THE GOOD

• Daniel Radcliff is the epitome of geeky cute in a bottle and his acting has improved leaps and bounds when compared to his cringe-worthy performance in Philosopher's Stone.
• Gambon's Albus was a finally a bit more Albusy. Overall, I've always very strongly disliked his version of Dumbledore -- he always plays him too rough and cranky sounding. However, there were scenes in HBP where he brings the overdue and much needed twinkle back to the roll. Plus the part where he fights off the Inferi in the cave was fucking rad.
• I really enjoyed the addition of the scene with Snape and Harry seeing each other under the stairs prior to the tower. The way Severus offers that (arguably false) gesture of reassurance is an aspect I wish had actually been in the book.
• I also really liked the way they replaced the funeral with the simultaneous wand salute to Albus. The movie scene didn't make me cry like I thought it would (though neither did his death in the book), but it was very touching.
• Molly's face as she stares up at the burning Burrow... gut wrenching. My heart broke.
• Tom Felton looks smarmy in a suit~

THE HORRIBLE, AGONIZING BAD

• They destroyed the Burrow? WTF? Where is the wedding in book seven going to happen? *So confused*
• Seeing as once again they were forced to take a 600+ page book and hack it down to fit in under 3 hours, it's still inevitably pretty choppy (though not as bad in the past movies at times.)
• Ginny and Harry don't seem to have much chemistry together. The actress playing Ginny at times was really good, and at other times just floundered awkwardly. MOST AWKWARD KISS SCENE EVER.
• I understand why it was cut, but I was still a little disappointed to see they didn't include the opening bit with Dumbledore paying a visit to Privet Drive. I would have loved to see the wine glasses flying around and clinking against the Dursley's heads. :B
• What was up with Narcissa's hair? The Malfoy family are supposed to all be platinum blonds, but they gave Cissa this horrible black stripe that made it look like a tacky teen dye job. Someone's version of symbolism foreshadowing her role in DH to come I guess? o_O She was also way, way too old.
• The didn't do the Unbreakable Vow scene justice! My favorite scene! D: *Angst* Neither Snape or Narcissa's roles in this scene had enough time to be flushed out given the right amount of depth that you feel from the characters in the book. It's the first time Narcissa is given any serious attention and it failed for me to nail down who she really is and what drives her -- that she's a mother first, and everything else second.

  And what about Snape? We weren't introduced to anything new about Snape! I remember finishing the "Spinners End" chapter in the book and going wow. The way he responded in just tiny, simple, but genuine ways to Narcissa's grief and desperation; that's a side of this character that we'd never seen before -- where the impression that perhaps this guy isn't just doing this simply under his master's direction. It added a new element to Snape. But in the HBP film, we don't get any of that. He's so flat and boring -- even up until the end when Harry is chasing after him and calling him a coward. Where is the Snape Flipout? When do we get to ever see this guy unhinge like he's supposed to? He looses his cool at three different important parts in the series and in the film's he has yet to have a strand of hair fall out of place. *Irked*

  Okay and while I'm getting completely off-topic, does anyone else notice that Alan Rickman talks like Captain Kirk? Very... drawn out... and sort of -- choppy. Like. This. Ugh. *Facepalm* RickmanSnape kills me.

• All right and obviously my biggest grievance with this movie was the blatant way they, for reasons I can't even fathom, completely replaced the two main plots of the original story with Teenage Love Woe Angst filler? Seriously, the two main plots in HBP are: 1) Harry journey with Dumbledore examining Voldemort's past and the memory traveling, and 2) the Half Blood Prince and potion text book bits; and instead they chopped both of those story lines into such itty bitty tiny side plots that you hardly remember that they're there, and instead focused entirely on PUBERTY AND TEENAGE LOVE AND WOW!GIRLS AND WOW!BOYS. *Hits head repeatedly against wall over and over and over again* How can you take all of the actual story and just shove it under the rug like that? They cut more than half of the memory traveling! They barely even touched actual Half Blood Prince aspects, which I find exceedingly stupid SINCE THE MOVIE IS CALLED "HALF BLOOD PRINCE". They didn't even bother explaining why Snape is the Half Blood Prince, so I really hope every one who sees the movie has read the book beforehand or else they're going to leave feeling VERY CONFUSED. *Pulls at hair*

THE HUH?

• Hahahaha, oh god the Snape/Draco shippers are going to have a field day. The smoldering stares... the dark corridor exchanges... The slashers must be going to town.
• Why did Draco have Snakey? Now that his father has been carted off to Askaban, does he carry Lucius' snake staff around with him everywhere he goes like a security blanket? Oh Draco, you're such a sap.

That is all. I still have like 9 hours that I have to struggle to get through today before the keys to our new house are placed in my hands. I don't think I'm going to make it! D: *Torture*

Countdown until shiny exciting house possession: OMG TODAY TODAY TODAY!

Mood: Every now and then you should have a good ranty blog post

I really need to stop reading the books before I see the movie adaptations. Coleen and I went and saw My Sister's Keeper last night and I'm undecided whether I walked out so disappointed simply because the film wasn't that great, or because it was so completely butchered from the original novel version.

I understand that book-to-movie adaptations always involve some inevitable but necessary plot trimming, but I can't stand when for no apparent reason they cut out all these wonderful scenes from the book and then end up writing all-new scenes to fill up all that extra space that don't even end up doing the original's justice at all. Why don't they just keep the original bits? There were scenes in the novel that displayed the emotional battle this family is going through so simply and vividly -- whereas the new movie inserts were fairly bland and too drawn out.

I'm also a little irked that they completely changed some of the key character's personalities. They made Anna loud, annoying, and obnoxious. In addition to giving Jesse's self-destructive personality a complete 180 degree rewrite, they also cut out his entire storyline. And poor Campbell Alexander's character should never have been given to the likes of Alec Baldwin who is both much too old and not at all good looking or charming enough to pull off the role. Though I can't say they even gave him much a role in the film -- Campbell's entire subplot with Julie (who wasn't even in the movie) was trashed, and his health condition was barely even touched upon.

And did I mention that they completely changed and reversed the ending? D: That is most ridiculous rewrite of a story wrap up that I've ever seen. There was no heart wrenching impact or twist to the movie's finale! It was anti-climactic and completely negates Anna's entire purpose in the story that contributes so much to the title My Sister's Keeper. What a sham. *Grumble mumble grumble*

On a different but still petty fangirlsh rant, I'm about so sick of all of the recent Dark Knight LedJoker fanart that I could spew. I don't think I can stand to see another dozen duplications of the "Why So Serious" poster, the infamous playing card or head quirked shots, or Ledger sitting on the damn jail cell bench. (Don't even get me started on the amount of cosplay photos you have to swim through now. Ugh.) Don't get me wrong, I like DK Joker. It's just that that seems to be all you ever see now. The Chris Nolan Batman franchise has spawned a whole new generation of Batman fans that probably don't even realize that Heath Ledger is just this one microscopic version of Mister J in a pile of Joker incarnation gems of the past in cartoons and comics. *Sad* It makes weeding through the DeviantArt results to find interesting pieces very tedious.

(Hahaha, okay, but I did come across this creepy but adorable LedJoker chibi. So cute in a creepy-clown-doll sort of way.)

Also, has anyone else noticed how funny and a bit disturbing at times it is that pretty much no matter which popular fandom or character you search for on DeviantArt, you'll inevitably end up finding a picture of them depicted as either some sort of canine, feline, or horse relation? Look! It's Joker as a wolf! Look! It's a Jack Sparrow horse! Look! It's a Severus Snape lion! And well hey now, that seems to be a bit of strange anatomical position to put him in with that Dumbledore lio-- ohmygodmyeyes *close tab close tab CLOSE TAB!* DX I guess it just goes to show there's a crazy furry enthusiast in every fandom. Though for the sake of the rest of the fan community there should be some sort of browsing filter.

Countdown until shiny exciting house possession: 26