Thanks, April, for once more conspiring with Mother Nature to shit all over my birthday weekend. *Looks at snow and cries*

No luck yet on the job front. I'm hoping that before the end of the month I find something I would really like, because I don't want to have to resort to the alternative of getting an easy-to-find-but-I'll-hate job. ;_;

On the upside, I haven't had so much free time in years. With that in mind, I'm trying not to become a complete bum -- I'm making sure to still wake up at a reasonable time each morning (usually 8 a.m.) and every day I try to strike off some items from my ever expanding to-do list of stuff, because it keeps up the feeling that I'm being productive and not wasting all of this extra time I suddenly have. There are errands to run and appointments to make and chores around the house to do, among my copious baking of home made garlic cheese buns and slow but steady work through Mists of Avalon.

Since I have time to fill, I've also been working out a lot more again finally. I've gone for a couple of good walks during the afternoons and I've restarted my Wii EA Sports Active exercise regiment again four times a week. My latest one yesterday introduced the horrible, evil concept of crunches that practically killed me, my abdomen is super sore this morning; there's also another one where you have to reach your arms straight out behind you while stretching the resistance band is also really surprisingly hard. T-T And then it goes and makes me sprint and run right as I'm already already wheezing and cramping, and I end up flopping around and flailing there in agony screaming profanities at my television.

On the topic of my sporadic attempts to be healthier, we're probably going to start up a curling team in the fall. I went and watched Mason and a couple of the guys play in their first bonspiel the other week and, much like golf, it looked like a very Brenna-friendly sport. There's no running involved or scary objects being thrown at me. WIN. \o/

Such was the popular phrase around the office today. (Everything bad always happens on Tuesdays!)

As of today I officially no longer work for Nexopia. :c It didn't come as a huge surprise at all -- I've pretty much been in a constant state of anxious paranoia about being laid off for the last year, so I think a part of me was actually a little relieved I wouldn't have to go into the office again and just sit there fretting all day. The team at work has slowly been getting smaller and smaller so it was pretty obvious that there wasn't really going to much of a place for me soon -- a few other coworkers also received the same news; a couple of people who I wasn't surprised about, and a couple I was.

Overall, I'm in pretty positive spirits to tell the truth (though I'm not going to lie, between lunch and dinner I've had a couple of very tasty pornstar cocktails, so who's to say.) The timing sort of sucked considering starting today Mason is back in school for a couple months, but (currently) our money situation is not a huge issue. I'd already begun the search for a new job a while ago for a variety of reasons, so I've got the jump on that already as well. I haven't been happy working in the web development field for some time now. I realized that I had to get out of a career that was just making me unhappy (and I knew back in school would eventually make me unhappy), so I've been zeroing in on a career path I've long believed I'd be more suited to and in fact enjoy: library technologies~ :B

We don't have the money for me to go back to school right now, so I'm trying to at least get my foot in the door as a library page. Even getting a part time position at a library in some fashion would be great, and then I could just get another part time job to fill the rest of my 40 work hours (my backup job choices at this point include things like administrative work, data entry, or -- if I was lucky enough -- a position at the Humane Society or helping out at a vet clinic.) The deadline for one of the page positions I applied for and am really excited about is up tomorrow, so I'm crossing my fingers that I receive a phone call over the next week for an interview. Anyone who's not crossing their fingers for me, COMMENCE FINGER CROSSING NOW. Thx.

So for the mean time I'm a lazy, jobless bum. On my to-do list for tomorrow: a whole lot of nothing. Gonna mail in my ROE for some possible EI monies, do some laundry, the grocery shopping, read some of my overly giant copy of Mists of Avalon... and oh yeah, continue the scary job hunt.

At least I get to sleep in, eh?

I finally picked up my copy of Mists of Avalon from the library and was somewhat distraught when the book that awaited me was a 900-page hardcover tome. It's not that I've haven't voyaged into a lengthy novel before, but this damn thing is just too big to heft around in my purse. A week or so ago the same thing happened when I reserved Vikram Seth's A Suitable Boy -- and when I went to check it out I experienced a moment of horrified OMG when I was confronted with all 1,488 pages of it, and ended up canceling my hold and leaving with a slimmer, more portable book.

As most of my reading these days takes place on my daily bus commute or during my lunch break at work, lugging back and forth a mini dictionary is not an appealing option for me. I'm excited to start Mists of Avalon but I'm going to have to find a second piece of smaller reading material to serve as my purse book. And in the future, remember to always check the page count beforehand. ^^;

I've finished three books recently, and for lack of something else to blog about right now and since some people may have similar book tastes as myself, I'll try to recap some of the ones I read from now on.


Still Alice by Lisa Genova

An amazing book chronicling the rapid decay of the mind of a Harvard cognitive psychology professor diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. Alzheimer's has always been one of those illnesses that terrifies me in a way other terminal diseases like cancer never could. Seriously, I'd take cancer any day over Alzheimer's. This story and the character of Alice Howland and the devastating way she's slowly forced to succumb to the inevitable degeneration of her mind and body (with her family unable to do anything but watch) was simply heart wrenching to read. It definitely left an impact.

To be honest, I can't decide what scares me more: ending up with Alzheimer's myself, or the thought of either of my parents getting it (or anyone I love, for that matter.) To forget who I am and the faces of the people I care about... or being the one forgotten? Reading Still Alice prompted me to consider what I'd do if I or any one I loved were ever confronted with the disease, my over active imagination working out hypothetical strategies in my mind. What essentials would we write down to carry everywhere? Much like the common question, "what would be the things you'd take with you if your house burned down?" What would be the essentials? Your name; your address and emergency phone numbers; the names and a picture of the people you love; probably a short and simple message for if you were to become disoriented: "Your name is Brenna! You have a disease that makes you forget things! Calm down, take a deep breath, and call your emergency number!" sort of thing. Just tiny, important fail-safes for your own mind. In the book, Alice creates her own fail-safe for when the time comes that she forgets the essential things in her life, for when her life would reach a point of being so forgotten to herself that it wouldn't be worth living anymore. I would probably consider the same option too, if it came down to that. :c

But yes, very good book and I highly recommend it even if you're anything like me and it will leave you a little shaken.


Lucky by Alice Sebold

Sebold is the author of The Lovely Bones and this was her first book, and is in fact a memoir of her brutal rape as an eighteen-year-old college freshman, her effort to recover from it and the prosecution of her attacker. I don't have a whole lot to say about this one, other than that I have enormously huge respect for anyone who goes through an assault like she did and manages to suffer through the aftermath and eventually emerge soundly -- if not permanently scathed -- on the other side. There are parts of this book that you feel just as frustrated reading as no doubt Sebold felt when she bore them face on: the court scenes with the defense attorney in particular, and some instances with her parents and friends. I believe it when people say that you can never really relate to someone who's gone through an experience like rape and understand their ordeal unless you've actually been there, no doubt.


Night by Elie Wiesel

A harrowing account from a Holocaust survivor. My intent going into the library was to pick up one of the various fantasy books on my to-read list; when none of those were in, and my backup non-fantasy books were also not available, I ended up leaving with this. Don't get me wrong, it was on my to-read list... but that day in particular I was sort of aiming for something... happier. Either way, Wiesel's memoir of the ghettos and his time in Auschwitz and Buchenwald until the camp's final liberation by the Americans was gripping. I can't really say I "enjoyed" it (I think it's hard to honestly enjoy a non-fiction account of the horrors and genocide of WWII, and reading about infants being tossed alive into burning ditches) but it was intensely interesting in a horrific sort of way. It's the kind of book I couldn't stop reading, but at the same time I found myself needing to take breaks from it just to fully ingest some of the content at times before continuing on. I don't think anyone can say they read books about the Holocaust because they're enjoyable, but I do believe reading them is necessary so as to never casually forget about these events or take them in stride.


My god, too many depressing books. Rape, terminal diseases, and genocide. (I can just see everyone running out the library to pick up all of these sad, gloomy books for yourself!) ^^; I have Mists of Avalon on hold at the library up next and I hope it to be a more much needed, uplifting read. If anyone else is a book nut, I encourage you to sign yourself up for a Goodreads account -- I have found soooo many interesting books to add to my to-read list on there! It's my new holy grail. *Glee* (Plus, then I can friend you~ :3 I like seeing what other people are reading!)

I overheard an interesting conversation on the bus today.

We're almost at my stop and a lady gets on the bus talking on a cellphone, arguing to someone on the other end and seeming to concede to the argument by saying that she'd buy them a pack of smokes when she got home. She snaps shut the phone and sort of rolls her eyes, laughs, and says something along the lines of "Teens, they'll suck you dry of every penny you've got."

At this the bus driver gives her this look and remarks: "Why are you buying cigarettes for a kid anyway?" She laughs and says "Oh no, don't worry, he just turned 18."
Driver: "Smoking's not good for you."
Woman: "Oh no, (laughs), I would never smoke."
Driver: "So why is it okay for your kid to?"

They sort of went on like that back and forth for another minute or two as we came up to my stop, with the driver berating her for buying her kid, despite his age, cigarettes; the woman just sort of nodding in agreement and awkwardly laughing this impromptu scolding off. I'm not sure how it resolved because I got off at my stop, but as I was stepping off the driver stops me and says "Would you buy a kid smokes?" to which my response was an honest though somewhat nervous leave-me-outta-this: "No."

I thought about it as I walked home and couldn't decide whether the remarks the driver had made were completely out of line or in fact justified in a strange way. Being as reserved and soft-spoken as I am in public, I would never have dared openly scold a stranger about something that wasn't my business; and I have to admit that as the argument carried on I was sitting there with my mental jaw hanging to floor thinking "Whoa, that's a little rude..." When he asked my opinion on the matter I felt distinctly uncomfortable about getting involved.

Rudeness is a big pet peeve of mine and I was appalled at the way this man just stuck his nose into a stranger's life -- yet all the while I was sitting there thinking the exact same thing as the driver... and a part of me couldn't help but admire someone for speaking up. Yes, the individual in question is 18 and is legally entitled to make his own choices -- but does that necessarily mean a parent should condone and enable those choices? And if not, is a stranger then (within reason) rightfully entitled to intercede by calling them out on this fault?

This isn't about smoking vs. non-smoking specifically, I reference it as an example in regards to a broader, more general concept. How different is it from the frustration you feel when you hear stories of family or friends knowingly giving their loved ones money they know will be used for drugs? Turning a blind eye to an account of bullying and harassment of a classmate in a school? Pretending to look the other way when you see a man and woman screaming profanities and crude names and physically smacking one another right over the head of their poor two-year-old daughter? Shouldn't someone speak up?

I'm interested to hear what other people think. Is it justified to cast judgment down on someone you don't even know about their own lives and choices when you genuinely feel that it's on behalf of the well being of another? In this particular case, a mother more or less condoning and encouraging behavior that is detrimental to her son, no matter his age? Or should we all just keep our traps shut and mind our own business?

I joined in on the fun and signed up for a Formspring account and will probably check it regularly until the novelty wears off. Until then, ask me anything!

A new season of America's Next Top Model has begun, full of high-pitched screaming girls, cat fights, crazy clothes, crazier hair, and of course some makeover tears. Bring it on! For reasons I can't fully explain I just love ANTM. It's my guilty pleasure show, best when combined with tasty chocolate cake. Apart from just loving to see the finished photos, I'm ashamed to say that I think one of the draws is being witness to the insane all-girl drama that erupts in the Top Model house each season from the safety of my living room. You'd have to pay me a helluva lot of money to lock myself in a penthouse with twelve spastic young women under the eyes of nation-wide television cameras for three months.

Three books checked off my to-read list over the last month: Part of the Pride by Kevin Richardson and Born Free by Joy Adamson, both about human-animal bonds with wild lions in particular. The stories and the people in them and how they're able to form relationships with big game predators like this are fascinating to me~ I also finished The Pact by Jodi Picoult, about two families torn apart by the apparent suicide pact of their two children. It was more or less the classic Picoult child angst/parental grievances/courtroom drama plot that I've come to know (and love) her for, which I still end up enjoying no matter how many time she does it. My only complaint with this one is that the ending and outcome of the trial itself was, in my opinion, completely unrealistic. }:P Her newest novel, House Rules, about a boy with Asperger's syndrome accused of murder sounds like another typical Picoult book, but like always I'm eager to read it anyway.

I went out the other day and made (what is for me) a rare venture to purchase some new cosmetics. I bought some new sheer foundation, some mascara, a couple new swatches of eyeshadow (which according to my Google researching should be ginger-flattering), and two new facial moisturizers (the sales associate that helped me was scandalized that I used Vaseline lotion on my face as it is apparently a big no-no and does more harm than good.) This is why I hate shopping for cosmetics -- I have no earthly idea what I'm doing or what I'm looking for, which leads to me inevitably having to ask a makeup associate for help, which in turn almost always ends up making me feel exceptionally stupid and embarrassed. I walk through the beauty section aisles paranoid that every other woman is staring and judging me on my complete lack of innate female prowess with makeup.

On a related note, holy jeeze I had no idea there were so many shades of black mascara. Classic black, very black, emerald black, black brown, soft black, and what I'm sure is the king of all black -- blackest black. o_O How different can one black mascara look from another? I'm glad I opted for the much harder to find (yet with a much less intimating range of selection) brown mascara. Among all of the leagues of various blacks, there is just... brown. Straight, safe, simple brown. Much less work in my opinion.