Let’s do the time warp agaaaaaain!

Monday, March 7, 2011 -- 10:39 pm

Hahaha, oh dear.  I was looking back at the sadness which was me in my high school yearbook the other day and it was a sad, sad state of affairs.  Sullen-faced tomboy, meet bitter angsty teen!

It got me thinking of who I am now compared to who I was then, and who I could have been if I'd done things differently.  I think to myself, what would have happened if I'd changed what I wore, or taken the initiative to approach someone in the hall, or stood up and told any one of the half dozen individuals who carried out a fairly constant string of belittlement upon me from grade to grade to go fuck themselves?  Where would I be now?

But then I realize that if I had done any of those things I probably wouldn't be the same person I am today -- the notion of which is admittedly intriguing, but also alarming.  I've always been a strong believer that the experiences in your past, good and bad, have direct influence in shaping who you become.  I don't know where I'd be in my life or who I would have developed into if junior high and high school had gone differently, but what is clear is that I am a mentally and emotionally healthier person now than I was several years ago, or even prior to then.

Do I still hope that certain people who mercilessly picked on me back during school are these days now miserable, penniless, and lying hungry and alone in the gutter?  Of course I do.  I'm still shallow and bitter in that way and if I put my mind to it I can hold one hell of a grudge.  However, I consider myself much more optimistic now too and I think most people who knew me both then and now could attest to that.  Not everything is black and white anymore -- I've developed some variable shades of grey in regards to many things I used to be particularly opinionated about; on politics, on people, on relationships, on life. I'm more upbeat.  In general I value myself more, both emotionally and body-wise, and I'm no longer convinced the world is toting some personal vendetta to screw me over.  (An encouraging concept.)  The point is, who knows if I would have ever gotten to this point if I hadn't gone through the whole sullen, angsty, bitter teenage phase?

With this in mind, I finally got around to taking part in a (very long overdue) DeviantArt "time warp" meme that's been floating around for ages and I've been too lazy to complete until now.  :P  (Ignore the craptacular inking and coloring, like I said, I was lazy and it was a quick job.)  Commemorating all the lame, the embarrassing, the goofy, the bitter, (and the horrible fashion choices) that have made you who you are.

(Click to embiggen)

No sir, you couldn't pay me to go back to my junior high and high school days.  But you also couldn't pay me to make them disappear, because who's to say I wouldn't presently disappear along with them?

Change.  Personal evolution.  It makes me excited to think about where I'll be in another ten years from now.  :D

Amanda says:
March 7th, 2011 -- 11:07 pm

I love this Brenna-evolution more than words can describe! I want to do one, but I don`t think I`ve changed that much :S

Coleen says:
March 7th, 2011 -- 11:46 pm

What an amazing picture! I wish i had the talent you did to draw in order to do something similar.

I know its hard looking back on the past, trust me I know, but I like how you concluded that you wouldn't be who you are today without having lived those expierences. This is a mantra I know too well. The funny thing about those times is that a little adversary and some angst can make the right people better and you were one of them. I will, however, always remember the spikey vivid red haired Brenna from high school very fondly.

Coleen says:
March 7th, 2011 -- 11:48 pm

Also just a note, either you have grown a few inches since high school (which I think is unlikely as I would probably remember a growth spurt) or your old self had pretty bad posture.

March 7th, 2011 -- 11:51 pm

1. OMG new blog skin, when did you do that? I like!

2. OMG your drawings are so dead on, I laughed so hard. Especially junior high and high school you faces. Awesome. Dear world: I can vouch that this Time Warp meme is 100% accurate, having been there to bear witness at every phase.

3. OMG you drew adorable bowl-haircut you with SARA/PUPPY! :D :D :D

3A. There isn't enough glee in the world to express how much I love this picture.

Mandi says:
March 7th, 2011 -- 11:52 pm

You are too adorable for words, Brenna! I loved the college-Breanna spiky hair, btw! :)

Brenna says:
March 8th, 2011 -- 12:24 am

@Amanda: You may be surprised. You change in ways you don't really think about. I found it helpful to look at old pictures of myself and read past blog posts.

@Coleen: Thanks, and yes, Spikey Haired Brenna will always have a place in my heart too, though mostly just for her rad hair.

@Chelle: New blog skin happened... a week ago, I think? You're late to the ball game, sistah! And I know, I laugh every time I look at the old versions of me, particularly the hairstyles. *Cringe*

@Mandi: See? Everyone liked the spikey hair! *Misses spikey hair, just a bit. Does not, however, miss having people mistake her for a man.* D:{

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