Three hilariously inane drabbles, created with this splendid little site.
Giggly and idiotic inspiration derived from the YouTube video collection, "The Adventures Of Commodore Norrington".



PART 1: Sly Lang Syne

JackTehPirate sipped randily at his drink and stood sly behind an iPod. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel shifty and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how twisted his earlobe got when he was nervous.

Well, truth be told, JackTehPirate knew very well why he was at the party: to see CommodoreNorri.

Ah, CommodoreNorri. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his shiny loins made JackTehPirate's heart beat, the seeds of discontent have already been sown, tt remains to see whether weed or flower will spring forth.

But tonight everyone was masked. JackTehPirate peered boldly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was CommodoreNorri. There, he thought, the man over by the token of affection, the fancy one with the penguin mask. It had to be CommodoreNorri. No one else could look so chibi-eyed, even in a penguin mask.

He began to walk JackTehPirate's way and JackTehPirate started to panic. What if he actually talked to JackTehPirate?

CommodoreNorri came right up to JackTehPirate and JackTehPirate thought that he was going to faint.

"Hello," CommodoreNorri said horrifically. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the buttered corn," JackTehPirate said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so poofy.

Just then, an irate voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

JackTehPirate's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that CommodoreNorri might ...

"Happy New Year!"

CommodoreNorri swept JackTehPirate into his arms, bent him under the staircase, and kissed JackTehPirate expeditiously, slipping him the tongue and groping his toe.

JackTehPirate could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out nearby and pulled CommodoreNorri's mask off his face. It was CommodoreNorri! "I knew it was you," JackTehPirate said and took his own mask off.

"And it's ... you," CommodoreNorri said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

JackTehPirate watched him go. He would be right back, JackTehPirate was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.

And then they would fall in love.



PART 2: An Irate Day To Flail

JackTehPirate stepped boldly out into the twisted sunshine, and admired CommodoreNorri's loins. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a sly sight."

CommodoreNorri climbed off the iPod and walked horrifically across the grass to greet his lover. JackTehPirate patted CommodoreNorri on the toe and then tried to flail him expeditiously, but without success.

"That's all right," CommodoreNorri said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not shaggable," JackTehPirate. "Not as shaggable as the time we flailed under the staircase."

CommodoreNorri nodded nearby. "We were poofy back in those days."

"Our earlobes were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," JackTehPirate said. "Everything seems chibi-eyed and fancy when you're young."

"Of course," CommodoreNorri said. "But now we're shiny, we can still have fun. If we go about it randily."

"Randily?" JackTehPirate said . "But how?"

"With this," CommodoreNorri said and held out a shifty token of affection. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to flail."

JackTehPirate swallowed the token of affection at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to flail randily. They flailed the seeds of discontent have already been sown, it remains to see whether weed or flower will spring forth. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.



PART 3: Horrifically Tripping

JackTehPirate tripped along expeditiously. He was on his way to meet his lover, CommodoreNorri, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a penguin hopping along, carrying a buttered corn in its mouth.

JackTehPirate was almost under the staircase when he came across an irate cake, lying alone on a shaggable plate. "That must be a treat from my shiny bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked shifty, so he ate it.

It gave him the most poofy tingling sensation in his loins. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see CommodoreNorri.

When CommodoreNorri came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" JackTehPirate cried nearby.

"Your earlobe! And your toe!" CommodoreNorri said. "They're chibi-eyed! Can't you feel it?"

JackTehPirate felt his earlobe and his toe. They were indeed quite chibi-eyed. "Oh, no!" JackTehPirate said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that irate cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," CommodoreNorri said. "I got you an iPod. It must have been that twisted man who lives nearby. He acts a little boldly, ever since he flailed a token of affection."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" JackTehPirate sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," CommodoreNorri said randily, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your earlobe is really sly like that."

"Really?" JackTehPirate dried her tears. JackTehPirate kissed CommodoreNorri and it was an entirely fancy sensation, the seeds of discontent have already been sown, it remains to see whether weed or flower will spring forth.

They spent the night having entirely fancy sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.